Friday, September 24, 2010

What is life after all???

A simple question is usually the answer-less one..
A simple sigh is usually the most relieving expression..
That's exactly why I don't understand life..

What is most reachable is the farthermost at times.
What is at hand is often unreachable.
That's exactly why I don't understand life..

I tremble to speak that simple word that could change my life.
I fear little children who can speak truth without inhibition.
That's exactly why I don't understand life.

What is life after all?
Moment after moments of doubt and fear?
No, it got to be more positive than the most negative.

That's again exactly why I don't understand life!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Kozhiyunna Mudiyizhakal

കൊഴിയുന്ന മുടിയിഴകള്‍ 

അടരുന്ന ചുമരിലെ പാണ്ടുകള്‍ നോക്കി നോക്കി സമയം പോയതറിഞ്ഞില്ല.
ദൂരെ നിന്നും കറുത്ത മഴ മേഘങ്ങള്‍ ഓടി വരുന്നുണ്ട്.
അങ്ങകലെ കിഴക്കേ മലനിരകള്‍ക്കപ്പുറത്തുനിന്നും ശബ്ദം കേള്‍ക്കാം.
ആകാശം ഇരുണ്ടു, അരങ്ങ് ഒരുങ്ങി, ഇനി കഥാപാത്രങ്ങള്‍.

1 - ചുമര്. തേപ്പ് അടര്‍ന്നു തുടങ്ങിയിട്ട് കാലങ്ങള്‍ ആയി. 
ചായം പൂശാത്തതുകൊണ്ട് നിറം മങ്ങിയിട്ടില്ല. 
അങ്ങിങ്ങായി പാണ്ടുകള്‍ കാണാം- തേപ്പടര്‍ന്ന ഓട്ടകള്‍.
ഒരുപക്ഷേ നിശ്വാസങ്ങള്‍ ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങിയ പാടുകളും!

2 - സമയം. കാലം എന്ന് മറ്റൊരു പേര്. അജ്ഞാതന്‍.
രൂപംഇല്ലാത്തതിനാല്‍ ആരും കണ്ടിട്ടില്ല. എങ്കിലും
അവന്‍റെ പ്രഹരം ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങാത്ത ആരും ഇല്ല.
ഒരു സംശയം. കാലം വരികയാണോ, അതോ പോകയാണോ?

3 - മേഘങ്ങള്‍. അവയ്ക്ക് നിറം മാറാന്‍ അറിയാം.
ചിലപ്പോള്‍ സ്വഭാവവും- ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടിട്ടുണ്ട്. 
വെളുത്തു വെളുത്തു വന്നിട്ട് കറുത്ത് കറുത്ത് പെയ്യും. 
ശ്വാസം മുട്ടിക്കും. ചെകുത്താന്റെ സ്വഭാവം. 

4 - ഇരുട്ട്. നിശബ്ദം നിഷ്കരുണം നിരാധാരം.
നിറങ്ങളില്ല, മണങ്ങളില്ല, രുചിഭേദങ്ങളില്ല.
ഭാവം ശാന്തം, സ്വഭാവമജ്ഞാതം.
ഒരു ചോദ്യം. രണ്ടില്‍ ഒന്നാണ് സത്യമെങ്ങ്കില്‍ ഇരുട്ടോ വെളിച്ചമോ നുണ?

കഥാപാത്രങ്ങള്‍ തയ്യാര്‍. ഇനി വേണ്ടത് കഥ. പക്ഷേ...
എന്‍റെ പക്കല്‍ കഥകളില്ല, കഥാപാത്രങ്ങളേ ഉള്ളു...
അതുകൊണ്ടാണ് ഞാന്‍ അടരുന്ന ചുമരില്‍ നോക്കുന്നത്.
കൊഴിയുന്ന മുടിയിഴകള്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ...


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Human Beings

Its the beauty of life- Variety.
Heart sings out of joy seeing it.
All around, it surrounds every breath.
Every leaf, every vein- beauty, sayeth!

Heart sings again in pain,
Seeing those distorted and deviant.
Hurtin' so bad, heart bleeds,
Hurt it is, indeed a pain.

Still I see sense somewhere,
'cosI feel love in the air.
When I twist in pain and weep,
I feel human, I feel love!

Frustration! Anger! Add variety!
Being human, I live human.
Its okkkkkkkk... like my friend says.
Its the beauty of life- Variety!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Another Indian Episode!

Setting: A descent hotel, Sanath Nagar, Hyderabad. A/C Room
Characters: 8 Table full of people, One Waiter, one cleaner, one-god-knows-who character

Shot 1: Long shot of the name of the hotel from the other side of the hotel. Its all nicely decorated, illuminated, etc.
Shot 2: Close shot of appreciating faces of Arun and I on the other side of the road.
Shot 3: We walk towards the hotel crossing the hotel, carefully wading through the Hyderabadi traffic.

Now please dont care about shots.. I have no patience!

Arun and I enter the hotel. There is no free table in the non A/C section. Worried about our pockets, we entered the A/C section.
'Hmm... Nice place.' Exclaimed both of us! We sat at a free table. Waiting patiently for the waiter. Cleaner came, we asked for a menu card. Immediately, he brought us plates and tumblers! Wonderful! Then he proceeded to another table and took a menu. And walked to the cupboard and kept it safely there! Hmmm!

After 10 minutes, there came a waiter... He brought us a menu card on demand and disappeared. When he came that side again, we caught hold of him and ordered what we ate (Won't tell you what it was).

Another long wait of 15 minutes. In the meantime, all the 7 tables around us were empty too.. most of them shouting at the waiter and the hotel. But our waiter maintained his cool!

There comes our order! Good. Tasty, Delicious...
Now I got to tell you what we ordered- 2 Tandoori roti and 1 chicken curry. There were so many pieces of rotis in the bowl given to us. We had noticed earlier that all others were given full round uncut rotis. We smelt a rat.

Since we were hungry, we decided to order another roti. When we did so, the waiter said, "I already gave you 3. I will bring another one." We wondered: 'we ordered only 2, he gave us 3?'

So we arranged the cut pieces of the roti in a round and saw 5 pieces made a round full roti. We had eaten four pieces. That makes a total 9 pieces.

And when the waiter came round the next time, we asked him, 'how many rotis did you give us?'
He said, 'three.'
We asked: 'how many pieces are there in one roti?'
He said, 'four.'
We asked: 'How come then 3 rotis are only 9 pieces?'
He said: "%£$"@*&....."

He went back and brought us another roti. His face was tensed and not so comfortable- Other visitors were shouting at him too...

When we finished, we asked for a bill. While Arun went to wash his hands, he came and told me, 'Rs.130'
I said, 'give a bill'
He said: 'Its 130. 3 rotis and one chicken curry.'
I said, 'give a bill'
He said: "%£$"@*&....."

He fetched us a bill. We paid him Rs.130 exactly. He counted it thrice infront of us!

If we had not doubted, we would have tipped him. That would mean, he would cheat us and we would tip him!

My mind murmered, like one of my professors said, "WELCOME TO REALITY, WELCOME TO INDIA."


Sunday, September 05, 2010


This was painted in December 2007. The inspiration was a an incident where I felt disappointed and angry.

This Painting is named Anger


Life has strange ways... Indeed...

Sometimes I feel like being the most unworthiest being on this planet... For all the trust and confidence the world has on me... for the love I have been experiencing... Everywhere is home for me because of my dear people... And looking into my own eyes, as tears flow down, I feel like crying aloud in madness or dying out of unbearable pain, or running away...

Sometimes, in the sweetest of moments, I realize that the sweetest of my thoughts was just a day dream.. A shattered dream is born in tears again. Smile and laughters would pile up in the pyre again to be burned. Ashes and smoke... That is what life has in the end.

Sometimes, trust seems the rarest of virtues. Don't know how much of it is around. The smiles of my friends, the innocent smiles, they lead me home. I sleep in peace because I trust those around me. They are mine. Flesh and blood of my soul tells me that they are no different from me. I feel soft and comforted.

Sometimes, I feel cheated. Smiles of innocence turn wolf like grins, chuckles in deceit. I only can look and wait for monsters to devour me. Won't be able to move a finger to run away or protect myself. Death, despair, loss, bad name; may it be whatever, I accept when its from my beloved ones. I tend to ignore the evil grin that is behind the sweet smile.

Sometimes I feel I am to be blamed for such naivety. Life demands prudence along with naivety. And I fail to comply...

Sometimes, I feel like ending everything too... Asking why Lord, to the silence that kills souls, I retire into unconsciousness. Death would be no different.

Sometimes I thank god for these pains too..

Sometimes I blame god for these pains too..

'Nothing will happen to you,' says a voice from within. I trust.. I go on..

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Between heaven and earth

What would you feel if you are hung between heaven and earth? Heaven- where you would like to go, Earth- where you would be like! A strange position indeed. Guess who is in that position? It's me, hanging in mid air, happy and sad at the same time.

I am blessed to have a heart full of friends. I am also blessed to have the hearts of those friends. Those beloved hearts are all burning with some trouble or other. At one point, they help me to realize that my little troubles are no troubles at all. But at the same time, they also make me sad. My friends are my friends. Their pains are my pains, like their joys. Therefore, I feel like being hung from the heavens and thrown up from the earth.

Sweet and sour at the same time. I wish good for all...

Silence. The temple of my heart is ready for the ceremony. Its a ceremony where each of my pains, those of my friends' is  thrown into the fire. And when they all are just smoke, filling the temple chamber, I will breath in relief... Life is just a ceremony! JUST a ceremony? Oh! No... Life is a celebration - of joy and sorrow, of smile and frown, of ecstasy and tears...

Still, I am there, in the mid air.

Its me. And I shall be there till the end of ages...


Friday, September 03, 2010


I was posting lot of nonsense on my blog...but without realizing that they were pure nonsense. I used to appreciate my works! Haha.. Finally, the hour of awakening, oh no,  the moment of awakening has arrived. Just now, just at this moment, I realized that what I used to write was just nonsense! Really... Yes, my realization was real. You are laughing now, I know... because you are not able to differentiate between these two sections of nonsenses which are divided only by a small time period: one moment! Haha.. good joke, wasn't it? Now, this is why I told you I was writing nonsense. If you look at the very first sentence I wrote, You will realize that I was not joking!

And, did you look at the first sentence? Yes! It is because you trusted me.. sort of trust I mean.. and when next time I use denotation to connote something, you will stop reading and will go for a coffee for sure .. Curse me, I will accept it. Do you know why I write all these?

There is a reason behind writing this... When I was about to sleep tonight, I just felt that I should blog something tonight... An urge from within- a genuine urge. So I gave in. But at the keyboard, I could only remember one word.. You know which.. Oh, you don't know! That again was a joke.. so funny... Yes only one word. That word is the heading of tonight's post. Since I wrote that heading, I thought of letting my hand type whatever that comes to the fingers. Genius ingenuity! Hmm...

Once one of my teachers told me that I was not using my capacities to study well. Nonsense!

Yesterday, I had no class. Even then, I had to go to the University. Why? Its because the teacher had forgotten about the class. Nonsense!

I have a good camera. Its pretty old, but functions well. Its cells are a bit old and do not last. Memory card is small. Picture quality is not too bad. But there is no way I can transfer the clicked pictures into my PC! There is neither a card reader or a cord. And they are not available in the market too. Nonsense!

I have a fairly good MP3 player. Sound quality is good. But there is no headphone! Nonsense!

Yesterday, we prayed a lot about unity of the community. We need to talk, share, care for each other, love, express concern, etc. For the last 14 months I have seen, We have gathered round the divine table ONLY once. Nonsense!

Actually there is no nonsense in whatever I wrote now, or in the past. Nonsense!

My urge to write has subsided. Right now, I am about to fall over the keyboard. If I sit for another 2 minutes, my subconscious will take over the expression. I don't think it would be a good idea. :-p

Good morning, for its night still. Nonsense!

Thursday, September 02, 2010

What do I need?

What do I need to love you?
A pen whose ink never dries up,
And a book that ends never.
Its the soul that knows,
Love endless, eternal.


My Favourite Prayer

I have read this in a novel named Harry Dee... It was in 1999. I still say this prayer when my heart beat goes up.. I love this prayer..

Jesus Christ, Saviour of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly,
When the angry waters roll,
And the tempest still is nigh!

These words have a magical power to calm me down... And I believe in them... They invoke my God...