Thursday, February 17, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
In moments like these, I wish I were still in the womb of my mother… safe and sound, protected and loved by infinite care… like a pup, a little chick just out of the eggshell… I don’t belong in this world where blasphemy and treachery are the order of the day…
I miss love… love of a mother… love that could inject adrenalin into the arteries of my heart and smiles into my dry lips. Isn’t it suffocating to live in a tunnel with no air, and no light at the other end? It is. Count on me, it is suffocating to live when death is the only option you have. One cannot gladly decide to live? Then, can one gladly decide to die? Oh no! That’s why I said, in the absence of options, it’s not easy to live or die…
Arid desert, unending nothingness and dreamless nights! These are enough to put one’s soul into the infinite abyss of uncertainty and chaos. My soul is put up for sale long back. Even Satan is not bidding for my soul, just because it has a non-erasable mark on it! Alas! Love has such favours done to its preys. I am fallen for love and am there dying comfortably in the lull of glad feelings.
I am feeling terrible because I am feeling good. All the comforts I have now, all the love I have at this moment, all the friends I have point to one single missing thing in my life. That precious missing stuff is the meaning of my life.
I miss meaning. I miss everything though I have everything. I am happy. But my happiness is empty. I am peaceful. But my peace is like that in the cemetery.
Therefore, I am retiring into the valley of silence. I am going. Please don’t look for me or come after me, because I am going to be alone.