Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Never let you go...




I was consoling a friend... 
It was about feeling lonely when friends leave...
My words flew like a river on the need to let friends go their way to find their fortunes. I felt convinced of the fact, that seeing them do what they want, is the joy of a friend. Friends need to go to find their life..















Then I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and moisture in my eyes... 
It was also about feeling lonely when friends leave... 
I started feeling what 'I' was feeling. It was the same as my friend.
My friends are leaving to find their fortunes, on their ways...



















Slowly, when vision fades behind a pair of draining eyes, I stopped talking about the need of friends' leaving...
I just started feeling the need of my friends at my side... And the gravity of what I would be missing... The colourlessness of days... dry evenings... 
Closing my eyes, I prayed, "your will be done..."

But my heart still whispered, "I will never let you go!"


                    

Monday, May 03, 2010

End of an Era... Lost in memories...

Here comes a time, when space and dimensions would look different..
Leaves in blue and sky in green!
Leave some and comes others...

Footsteps are left around, to look and feel...
Aroma of Love noble lingers in air...
Gone is the real, come days of green and blue!

Time, whether bends or not is the same.
For those who love, life is a waiting.
And for the living, love is a lifetime...

It hurts, it heals. In the end, it laughs.
Its time- the mystic, who does the mistake.
Leave the world to itself, give us no more.

The sweet joy that swept the tongue today,
Would still linger in the mind, erasing the tongue.
Now, that's love, even when its gone!

End is a Nothing, in a world full of past.
Each moment comes with a promise of memory.
Waiting then is sweet, if not sweeter than love!

Saturday, May 01, 2010

How much it means to me...

Do you know...

No... its a stupid question. I shouldn't be asking it. But I can't help asking it too, because I am who I am...
Do you know how much it means to me?
You don't...
You don't...
You don't...

Not because you are not able to understand me, but because you understand me too well.



You don't understand  how much it means to me...

I would die for one such word... I would.
I am in tears as I write this... hope no one reads this!
In the long run, I am able to delete important sentences out of life. But I am not able to delete the unimportant ones... like the one I just typed. You don't know how much it means to me...



One word... One word could lead me to unspeakable joy. The same would lead me to unstoppable sorrow.

I am vulnerable. I am weak. I know this. Therefore I am strong. That's my consolation.


But still, you don't know how much it means to me.


Word is life. Word is love. Word is light.


I wish you knew how much it means to me...




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Friday, April 30, 2010

Maria Full of Grace (Film Review)

Spanish
Directed by: Joshua Marston
HBO Films

            Maria is a 17 year old pretty girl, living in a Columbian village, working in a flower estate, in the packing section. She works to help her family, to make both ends meet. She has grandmother and an unmarried sister who has a child, at home. Maria, though 17 has a sense of responsibility. But she is not satisfied with the inhuman treatment that she receives from her place of work and even home. She has a boyfriend Juan, who is takes every chance to make it with her. At 17, Maria passes from teenage to adulthood. She looks at the world with the eyes of an adult, but she is not taken serious by many- family, workplace and boyfriend.
            She rebels with the unjust society which treats her with contempt. She wants to feel that she is important too, she is a human being too. At work, she had to put up with her boss’ strictness. Finally, she got courage to leave her job. She protested. She told her boss in the face that she is quitting. That was her very first self assertion.
            Later that day, she had to talk hard to her grandma and sister. She protested. In the evening, while partying with her friends, they appreciate her courage. But their appreciation is limited to a toast and a peg of liqueur. Life was staring at her face. She had to find a job. She had to find and define a place in this world. She ventures out to find a self-definition.
            But she was faced with another grave problem. Relationship with Juan presented her with a child in her womb. Juan, another young lad is not mature enough to accept this. They break up. Maria could not accept the stubbornness of Juan. She needed to be sure of whether Juan loved her or her body. Juan failed to gain her confidence. She decides to go on her own.
            She meets Franklin at that party. While looking for a job, Franklin said he could help her. She takes her to a drug smuggler. The job was risky. It was of a mule- smuggling drugs in the stomach, by swallowing pellets. But looking at the remuneration, 8 million Pesos, she decides to give in. Life for her was not as tempting enough as this job. A family that looks to make use of her, a boyfriend who cannot understand her, a world full of selfish people... she could easily said yes to the drug smuggler’s job.
            She meets another mule, named Lucy. They make friends. Lucy was a good girl. Necessity makes all of them do this. Maria gets trained to be a mule, by Lucy. Their first assignment was to smuggle drugs to New York. On the day of the journey, they learn that there are four of them on the same flight. One was her own friend Blanca.
            On arrival at New York, one of them gets caught. Maria escapes the customs check because she was pregnant. It was a close shave. Lucy develops disturbance in the stomach, since one of the pellets broke inside her. She got sick in the hotel. Before she got worse, she gave her sisters New York address to Maria. The drug dealers cut her belly open and took out the pellets and disposed her body off. Terrorised by seeing what happened, she escapes taking the pellets, along with Blanca. They reach Lucy’s sister. They give shelter, but the girls are not able to tell them what happened. With the help of a local grocer, they find out Lucy’s body and tell the family about what happened.
            In the meantime, they returned the pellets and got paid for the job. With the money, Maria arranged to send Lucy’s body back to Columbia. But she was not able to compromise with the world. Everything was set for her return to Columbia. At the airport, she decides not to go. She says goodbye to Blanca and returns to the heart of an unknown world, with the baby in her womb.
            For Maria, life had not been fair and comfortable. Within a few days, she learnt a lot of about a big, unfair world out there. She is not that kind of woman who would say, ‘I surrender.’ She decides to give it a fight. Maria’s spirit is not easily defeatable. She had to fight with the drug dealers to get her payment for doing this job. She had to fight with Lucy’s sister to make her understand that she was innocent. Maria, in her 17 years of life on earth saw more than her age. She still said ‘no’ to the world.
            The film catches the helplessness of a generation of the Latin American youth, at the face of meaninglessness in life. The urge to look away to find meaning and comfort comes from the lack of such opportunities in one’s own homeland. The globalised world leaves no chance for less privileged, to become what they want to be. A strange world indeed! It doesn’t leave enough space for the marginalized to dream big. The space defined for them is one of an accomplice- that of a mule. They are just carriers of others’ illegal goods, making them rich. They have no personal space. They are called mules- just carriers. A personal identity is denied to them. So they have to be within the structure framed for them. A rat-hole.
            Maria’s protest and courage is the ordinary human being’s struggle to get a space in this big, wide world. Ideologies and theories are for the affluent. The ordinary has to fight to find a place. That is what Maria did. She had the fighting spirit, even when she failed to find meaning. Terrified by a merciless world, she sheds a tear or two to gain strength. And she resurrects from ashes to stand up again.
            Let our world bear more Marias. We need them.
Sajit Olickal sj

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My way of loving..

It was fascination for the cross that led me here. Not knowing what or when or even how, I dreamt of something different for my life. Even now, I can't figure out what led me. I don't know what gave me the courage to get away from home. There were tears in the eyes of my mother. My father was weeping within. My siblings, all of them, wished me good as I left home. I still could remember like yesterday, the sacrifices my family made to make me live up to my dreams. On the eve of my departure, no one knew what to do. We didn't have money. But we had joy. We had been lacking in many things. But all of my family, 'my family' decided that I go away decently. Sacrifices that I still remember the most. They made me what I am. My family supported me. I love my family...

The cross still fascinates me. In the moments of weakness, when i break into tears, with nothing to hide, up against the wall, I stand head down before the cross... I weep, cry aloud, look at the cross... Then I am given strength..

I have wept for all of you my dear friends. It is my way of expressing love. In silence, when alone, tears flow and with lumps in throat I love you. And I really love all of you. I know this because I weep for you.
When voices fall on ears, when they touch the heart and moisten my eyes, I turn to the cross... just to say that I love you..

Today, I wept for long... I didn't know how to thank you. In my heart, there is you. We may not talk, we may not see, we may not know. But the one on the cross knows that I love and am loved. Thats enough. Nobody needs anyone's permission to love. I love..without permission..


WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO LOVE. THAT'S IMPORTANT.
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ആൾക്കൂട്ട കൊലപാതകങ്ങൾക്ക് പേരുകേട്ട നാടാണ് നമ്മുടേത്. എന്നിൽനിന്ന് വ്യത്യസ്തനാണെങ്കിൽ നീ  കൊല്ലപ്പെടണം എന്ന ചിന്ത എന്നും ഈ നാടിന്റെ ശാപമാണ്....