Sunday, September 05, 2010

Sometimes...

Life has strange ways... Indeed...

Sometimes I feel like being the most unworthiest being on this planet... For all the trust and confidence the world has on me... for the love I have been experiencing... Everywhere is home for me because of my dear people... And looking into my own eyes, as tears flow down, I feel like crying aloud in madness or dying out of unbearable pain, or running away...

Sometimes, in the sweetest of moments, I realize that the sweetest of my thoughts was just a day dream.. A shattered dream is born in tears again. Smile and laughters would pile up in the pyre again to be burned. Ashes and smoke... That is what life has in the end.

Sometimes, trust seems the rarest of virtues. Don't know how much of it is around. The smiles of my friends, the innocent smiles, they lead me home. I sleep in peace because I trust those around me. They are mine. Flesh and blood of my soul tells me that they are no different from me. I feel soft and comforted.

Sometimes, I feel cheated. Smiles of innocence turn wolf like grins, chuckles in deceit. I only can look and wait for monsters to devour me. Won't be able to move a finger to run away or protect myself. Death, despair, loss, bad name; may it be whatever, I accept when its from my beloved ones. I tend to ignore the evil grin that is behind the sweet smile.

Sometimes I feel I am to be blamed for such naivety. Life demands prudence along with naivety. And I fail to comply...

Sometimes, I feel like ending everything too... Asking why Lord, to the silence that kills souls, I retire into unconsciousness. Death would be no different.

Sometimes I thank god for these pains too..

Sometimes I blame god for these pains too..

'Nothing will happen to you,' says a voice from within. I trust.. I go on..

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Between heaven and earth

What would you feel if you are hung between heaven and earth? Heaven- where you would like to go, Earth- where you would be like! A strange position indeed. Guess who is in that position? It's me, hanging in mid air, happy and sad at the same time.

I am blessed to have a heart full of friends. I am also blessed to have the hearts of those friends. Those beloved hearts are all burning with some trouble or other. At one point, they help me to realize that my little troubles are no troubles at all. But at the same time, they also make me sad. My friends are my friends. Their pains are my pains, like their joys. Therefore, I feel like being hung from the heavens and thrown up from the earth.

Sweet and sour at the same time. I wish good for all...

Silence. The temple of my heart is ready for the ceremony. Its a ceremony where each of my pains, those of my friends' is  thrown into the fire. And when they all are just smoke, filling the temple chamber, I will breath in relief... Life is just a ceremony! JUST a ceremony? Oh! No... Life is a celebration - of joy and sorrow, of smile and frown, of ecstasy and tears...

Still, I am there, in the mid air.

Its me. And I shall be there till the end of ages...

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Friday, September 03, 2010

NonSense

I was posting lot of nonsense on my blog...but without realizing that they were pure nonsense. I used to appreciate my works! Haha.. Finally, the hour of awakening, oh no,  the moment of awakening has arrived. Just now, just at this moment, I realized that what I used to write was just nonsense! Really... Yes, my realization was real. You are laughing now, I know... because you are not able to differentiate between these two sections of nonsenses which are divided only by a small time period: one moment! Haha.. good joke, wasn't it? Now, this is why I told you I was writing nonsense. If you look at the very first sentence I wrote, You will realize that I was not joking!

And, did you look at the first sentence? Yes! It is because you trusted me.. sort of trust I mean.. and when next time I use denotation to connote something, you will stop reading and will go for a coffee for sure .. Curse me, I will accept it. Do you know why I write all these?

There is a reason behind writing this... When I was about to sleep tonight, I just felt that I should blog something tonight... An urge from within- a genuine urge. So I gave in. But at the keyboard, I could only remember one word.. You know which.. Oh, you don't know! That again was a joke.. so funny... Yes only one word. That word is the heading of tonight's post. Since I wrote that heading, I thought of letting my hand type whatever that comes to the fingers. Genius ingenuity! Hmm...

Once one of my teachers told me that I was not using my capacities to study well. Nonsense!

Yesterday, I had no class. Even then, I had to go to the University. Why? Its because the teacher had forgotten about the class. Nonsense!

I have a good camera. Its pretty old, but functions well. Its cells are a bit old and do not last. Memory card is small. Picture quality is not too bad. But there is no way I can transfer the clicked pictures into my PC! There is neither a card reader or a cord. And they are not available in the market too. Nonsense!

I have a fairly good MP3 player. Sound quality is good. But there is no headphone! Nonsense!

Yesterday, we prayed a lot about unity of the community. We need to talk, share, care for each other, love, express concern, etc. For the last 14 months I have seen, We have gathered round the divine table ONLY once. Nonsense!

Actually there is no nonsense in whatever I wrote now, or in the past. Nonsense!

My urge to write has subsided. Right now, I am about to fall over the keyboard. If I sit for another 2 minutes, my subconscious will take over the expression. I don't think it would be a good idea. :-p

Good morning, for its night still. Nonsense!

Thursday, September 02, 2010

What do I need?

What do I need to love you?
A pen whose ink never dries up,
And a book that ends never.
Its the soul that knows,
Love endless, eternal.


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My Favourite Prayer

I have read this in a novel named Harry Dee... It was in 1999. I still say this prayer when my heart beat goes up.. I love this prayer..

Jesus Christ, Saviour of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly,
When the angry waters roll,
And the tempest still is nigh!




These words have a magical power to calm me down... And I believe in them... They invoke my God...



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ആൾക്കൂട്ട കൊലപാതകങ്ങൾക്ക് പേരുകേട്ട നാടാണ് നമ്മുടേത്. എന്നിൽനിന്ന് വ്യത്യസ്തനാണെങ്കിൽ നീ  കൊല്ലപ്പെടണം എന്ന ചിന്ത എന്നും ഈ നാടിന്റെ ശാപമാണ്....