Do you want to kill someone? Here is how.

Several occasions in life demand a murder. Of sorts. When a friend shows off the worst fashion sense, or when your spouse deceives you or when your boss blocks a much deserved promotion.. You would remember those moments when you wished you had a pistol wroth you.. To kill yourself.. Especially when someone embarrasses you with a dumb and insensitive humorless joke? Murder seems the solution, eh?

Here is how you do it. Trust me, it works. 

Step 1: When you are insulted, embarrassed or fooled, don't change your ways. Be normal. As courteous and decent as always. May be a bit more than usual. But not a pinch less. You might ask me if I am preaching a sermon

No. This is not all. Look at the second step. 

Step 2: stop speaking to your victim. Just don't respond. Stop smiling at her / him. All this while, don't stop your services that your role requires, to the person. If you stop that, your victim gets to retaliate. Don't give a weapon to your enemy for God's sake. That would be surrendering unconditionally. So, you continue to fulfill all your responsibilities while cutting your social communication. In other words, you ignore your enemy. Pretend as if that person is absent. As if the universe has not changed an iota after the absence. Do not respond to your victim's looks, calls, attention seeking techniques and other tantrums. Ignore. That's the secret. 

Step 3: when you judge that the punishment is sufficient and that the victim had come down to his / her knees, go to your victim, look in the eyes and stay for a few moments. If the victim is humbled already he/she will smile and offer terms of reconciliation. If the victim is still stubborn and arrogant, get wild and get away.

Step 4: intensify your attack by stopping your services. Be courteous and decent, but don't offer servitude. This can be challenging in an office situation. Still, where there is a will, there is a way. Do not try to avoid meeting the person. Confront the victim a often as possible and ignore his/her presence. 

Step 5: try repeating step 3. Your victim must be softened by now. If not, ignore this entire article and go ahead with your original plan. Please do not use rusted or blunt tools. 

All the best.