About the word 'thought'

Thought

Definition: (noun) an idea that comes into your mind. Something you think about. (verb) The past tense of the verb 'think'.

Uses: A wonderful thought (noun) came into my mind last night, which I'd like to tell you about: Let's go on a world cruise!

He was sitting there looking very serious and turning something over in his mind. It was clear that he was deep in thought (noun)

I'd like you to look through this letter and give me your opinion of it. I really would appreciate your thoughts (noun) on the matter.

I thought (verb) about going out for a walk this morning but when I saw the rain, I decided against the idea.

I know you originally believed that it was a very easy exam but now you've taken it, I'm sure you have discovered it's not as easy as you thought (verb).

I honestly thought (verb) I worked very long hours but now I see how long you work, I've changed my views.

Variations: She always thinks of others first and what they need as she is obviously a very thoughtful (considerate) individual.

Some people aren't a bit interested in what they do to the environment and are very thoughtless (inconsiderate) in the way they drop their rubbish in the street.

Great Thoughts from Paulo

-->

-->

He put down his coffee, lit a cigarette, and looked at the ceiling for a long time. Then he turned to me. “It’s a very simple sentence,” he said. “I love you” –p26

************************************

To love is to lose control. –p37

 ************************************

Why do we always do this? Why do we notice the speck in our eye but not the mountains, the fields, the olive groves? -p48

 ************************************

I was there because suddenly life presented me with Life. I felt no guilt, no fear, no embarrassment. As I listened to what he was saying – and felt myself growing closer to him- I was more and more convinced that he was right: there are moments when you have to take a risk, to do crazy things. - P29, 

From 'By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept' (Paulo Coelho)

Forty days and Forty nights

Its forty days. And forty nights. Feels like its forty years. But to count, its just forty days and forty nights. Just over a month. Spread over my mental landscape like a barren desert with distant oases- forty days and forty nights. Forty countable time periods… just forty of them. But if you count the drops of tears that I shed during those forty… I am left with no words to recount what they were for me. But there is a swelling within which always threatens to explore. A swelling so full of pain, agony, love and loneliness. So life-like I guess. I listen to Lionel Richie, Hariharan… and go down into the abyss of reflection of my state.

When I get up in the morning, I ask myself- ‘what next?’ There’s no answer I know. But what if there is… Forty mornings have heard this question, but none heard its answer.

The forty were spent on trains, buses, dingy lodge rooms, red hot Hyderabad streets, cheap hotel tables, verandas of old buildings, at the ends of long and never ending queues, and lost in thoughts about what is the meaning of all these… Whenever I turned around hearing a ‘no’ or a ‘sorry’, I went back into thoughts about meaning. Of late, I wonder if I am searching for a job or meaning…

In one of my literature classes there were discussions of meaning making, and life as a process of meaning making. Now I understand what it all meant. It is true. Life is meaning making. Whenever I went down the narrow fissure of despair, there came a voice from within that told me to wait till the meaning is revealed. A long wait for a revelation- LIFE.

But it sucks to learn that its not easy to wait indefinitely. While you wait at a hotel table, you know your food is being cooked. When you wait in the railway booking queue, you know your turn is this far. But when you wait for meaning, you don’t know till when or if at all! That’s what sucks…

Once, in a cave-like lodge room in Ernakulam, I was amazed by the dedication with which scores of mosquitoes kept on trying to suck me dry of my blood. I wondered why I lack that king of enthusiasm about my own life. Then I realized that whatever happened to me was the outcome of what I have within. There is nothing unexpected and unplanned in life. Even death and accidents could be expected and planned. One should be prepared for anything. One should be prepared to attempt till one’s prey is sucked dry of blood- just like those Ernakulam mosquitoes. 

So its forty days and forty nights now. Forty days and forty nights of itinerant existence, address-less-ness, anxiety, and uncertainty.

Today, sitting in the chill and heights of my room, I can see these forty days and nights laid out like a collage on the busy streets and tall buildings around. Dark and bright, they hold up their ups and downs for me to see. Forty pieces of them. Forty pairs of them. One for each day and night. I can hear people, smell spoilt food, see frowns and smiles of people I love/d on those forty pieces of collage- sort of jigsaw puzzle I would say. From this height, I can see they take a shape… a definite shape of something which I can’t make what… Probably I will have to wait. Another revelation of kinds. I am reminded of my literature class again, and the sweetest of all teachers I had… Unfolding meaning. Meaning making. LIFE.

Yes, I realize. It is life. The unfolding. The revelation. LIFE. Life in a crucible of love, pain and loneliness. That’s what it is- Life in forty days and forty nights.

Gethsemani

From the year 2001, Gethsemani continues to disturb me. Every time I dare to enter the sanctuary of my own being, Gethsemani speaks from some unknown corner, intriguing me, agonizing me. It had been the pattern for as long as I could remember since I was first knocked down by self realization.

This year, Gethsemani was hidden from my sight. There were no signals from above. I was in desert. I am in desert.

And what else does Gethsemani mean? 

music in the vein

After a long time, I touched my guitar again.. When heart is unable to express through tongue, my guitar comes to rescue me from obscurity.

An epoch foretold

        It's been 3 months. I couldn't believe its just 3 months since I came to know this wonderful person. For most of the time, I was only listening to this person from a distance. But there was magic in words uttered and thoughts delivered. I was taken along the rivers of world civilizations. I was baptized in many an ocean. I saw so many of the greatest historical figures, all friends of this great person. There was creation and destruction. I went for long walks with him along the banks of Tigris and Euphrates. There brew a rumbling around the place I listened, announcing a cleansing apocalypse, and He was the prophet!

        He posed questions that toppled me from my comfort zones. He disturbed my sleep and left me crazy and schizophrenic for days on end. There were moments when I wanted to run away, because what he said was too much to digest and what he meant was too large to comprehend. But after the end of 3 months, I am more me! He foretold an epoch. But more so, he is an epoch foretold.

        Today, it came down like a streak of lightning upon me- the fact that he is leaving us in the dark and going away. It was good to be disturbed. Those sleepless nights were beautiful. Those schizophrenic days were so real. I won't be getting any more of them.





        He lived the life of an Oracle and led an army of souls- all of them mesmerized by him. Me just one of them. Thanks is not the word... He has become part of me- the thoughts and threats, hopes and hypes, dreams and dreads. I will cherish them. Blessed is he, for he helped me become more me.

----------------------------------------------------- 

wondering!

Just for the sake of it, I was wondering about life.
Why does it have to be so lazy when it should have been so busy?
Why lonely when it ought to be buzzing with friendship?
Why no msgs when badly need one?
Why no class when home is extremely boring?
Why?

Revelations

No one is reading my blog!
Crashing down on me this Sunday morning, this thought came like a thunderbolt. Sooner than I thought, I decided to do something about it- to stop writing! Oh no, how can I do it? I started writing at no one's request. How can I stop writing at someone's neglect? I found that a better argument and decided to go on writing without a reader. May be one day, when I am 'famous' (:-D) someone will read what I write these days. Let me write first. As the tsunami news from Japan strikes ones ears, eyes and heart alike leaving us all in sheer helplessness, I would like to decide this way. To write.
Then again, No one is reading my blog!
I write in two languages. One language has roots and the other, taste. I like to swim in both. When I fly in thoughts, I also swim in writing. I enjoy this act. So I write. As Prof. Ashok told us in class, a text is distanced from its reader as soon as it is written. Then it has a life of its own. It will travel in space and time beyond the expectations and dreams of the authour, gathering meanings which were never intended. If it were not so, no writing would have been tasteful and original.
Thank god, I am able to convince myself to write.
So I will write, regardless of the fact that you never cared to read what I wrote.
I write, because Life necessitates me to write. It's my vocation.

:-)
I smile, and I write.

Unsettling thoughts

A constant unrest of my soul undoes the foundations of my existence as a human being. I wonder why do I have to see myself going all this way far into the unsettling distances of uncertainty. It's been so many years now. When there is calm, I call it peace. It's only to rise again to the depths of another meaning. How many times do I have to unsettle myself? How many times do I have to annihilate my own being just to wake up again to repeat this whole futile exercise?

I am realizing more and more that the charisma of positive hope is somehow escaping the very soul of my writings. I am not able to sustain the energy which can take me over the troubled waters of agony. I stop here. I find that an easier option.

It's a literary text that usually unsettles a reader who takes it seriously. In my case, it is life that does the job. It unsettles me and throws me out of my corner. A sense of wonder fills me, while looking into the abyss of 'non-existence'. Foggy and misty. Invisible if existent, the future is hidden- like every tomorrow.

-------------------------------

listening to waltz

This night is precious to me... I am listening to waltz.. Some tune that renders the heart tender.. I am growing weak for the night. This music has taken my pains away. And I like to dwell in the shade of this music forever. As the night grows young, I am getting addicted to this magical tune. Dancing piano over saxophone and drums, gently playing over my emotions.. One by one, they tell tales of unending mysticism and joy. Each beginning kindles a new affinity that lasts for ever. Some take me away from the earth, some pull me down, some kick my hard, some whisper in my ears, some.... Hah, finally at the end of this tiresome and sad day, I have some joy to taste. It means much to me. And I remember all the sweet elements of my life that made me smile, that made me shed a tear.. I love those moments, those friends, those people who hate and love me. Its only one life and all these add to the taste and wholesomeness of my life.

Finally, thanks to those blessed hands that made music for me this night... God bless...

---------------------------------

Random thoughts- as a friend of mine says!

I don't care! What does it matter? The world will go on... Nothing will happen!

Here, at this moment, at this very moment, someone's dreams die and fall dead instantly!

Who are you to ask? What the ----? Its none of your business! Smoke or no smoke- its my personal affair.

My child is suffering from fever. Sir, can you help me with some money? God will bless you... : Who wants god's blessings? Who? Anyone here wants god's blessings? Cummon, help this man. He needs money. Money or Mammon!

Everyone is running to the nala... What happened? Oh, its a shooting. Some actress is there. They want to see her. Some want her autograph...

What about your hubby? What did he gift you for  your birthday? Oh, he presented me with a diamond necklace.. It is nice... Wanna see?

Yesterday, my dog died. It was bitten by a snake. In fact, it saved my wife from the snake and got bitten by the snake... Don't even know what to feel. I myself would have thought twice before doing what my dog did!

Next week is election. I am planning to vote. This one is not efficient, that one is lazy, the other one is fundamentalist. But all have one thing in common- all are making money. It seems they pays income tax in 8 digits!

I am going to the church. Coming? Haha.. you are kidding. Why do you want to go there? God is omnipresent! Come with me. I am going for a walk into the woods. ..... OK. Wait Let me get ready!

You are crazy. Why do you want to study like that? Do you think knowledge is necessary for success? Look at any rich man around you! :-)

He told me: "Sajit, you are no better than that beggar. He never cleans himself!" :.... I am still reflecting!

She told me: " You are a monkey." .... Ya.. I am one. Its better to be an innocent monkey, than being a donkey who pretends to be wise.

Gotta go. There is a party. W, W and W. How can I do without? Bye...

Thoughts

This one was drawn on the date mentioned... Its a camouflage! 

This Painting is named 'Thoughts'

-----------------------------------------------------