My way of loving..

It was fascination for the cross that led me here. Not knowing what or when or even how, I dreamt of something different for my life. Even now, I can't figure out what led me. I don't know what gave me the courage to get away from home. There were tears in the eyes of my mother. My father was weeping within. My siblings, all of them, wished me good as I left home. I still could remember like yesterday, the sacrifices my family made to make me live up to my dreams. On the eve of my departure, no one knew what to do. We didn't have money. But we had joy. We had been lacking in many things. But all of my family, 'my family' decided that I go away decently. Sacrifices that I still remember the most. They made me what I am. My family supported me. I love my family...

The cross still fascinates me. In the moments of weakness, when i break into tears, with nothing to hide, up against the wall, I stand head down before the cross... I weep, cry aloud, look at the cross... Then I am given strength..

I have wept for all of you my dear friends. It is my way of expressing love. In silence, when alone, tears flow and with lumps in throat I love you. And I really love all of you. I know this because I weep for you.
When voices fall on ears, when they touch the heart and moisten my eyes, I turn to the cross... just to say that I love you..

Today, I wept for long... I didn't know how to thank you. In my heart, there is you. We may not talk, we may not see, we may not know. But the one on the cross knows that I love and am loved. Thats enough. Nobody needs anyone's permission to love. I love..without permission..

WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO LOVE. THAT'S IMPORTANT.

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Estamira - A film by Marcos Prado

            Blending black and white and colour film with real-time sound track, Estamira comes across to me as a statement of sanity. While the protagonist herself is seen as a lunatic or unstable person, the message conveyed by her to the intelligent and socially receptive viewer is very down to earth truth, told in a language of the heart. To make it short, I have found a prophet and a philosopher in Estamira.

            First, I would like to think about what she spoke about God and faith. She once was a Catholic. Now, she doesn’t believe in the institutional religion which did not care for her. Even though facts are simple as that, the anger with which he scorns God and the so called men of god makes us think ahead. What human beings seek in god is a place to take refuge in times of need. It is a source of consolation and joy. But when life turns sour from alpha to omega, it is difficult to hold on to faith- especially when the experiences are as hot and terrific as that of Estamira. Being a faithful woman, she could not stomach her husband’s harsh treatment, immoral life, the experience of being thrown into the streets with young children, of being raped continuously on the streets and being treated as a mad person by the family. She ridicules a god who abandons rapes and forgets. And all this experiences change her into a free person, devoid of fear of institutions, laws, social ostracism and hate.

            Estamira places before us another pertinent thought about the society. For her, society is a bunch of untruthful cowards lacking in morality and love. The hands that dragged her into the mental asylum were the same as those that denied her help and that raped her. For her, life is to be lived in its full meaning. She picks up whatever she finds good among the dump. She is happy to be what she is, which the ordinary hypocritical social being is not ready for. Therefore, she is not afraid or ashamed to live in the dunghill of the city or to speak whatever she feels is right.

            At this juncture, let me share a feeling I have. It is about sense and non-sense. What is sense? The normal understanding says, it is conforming to social norms. But our experience clearly shows that conforming to generally accepted norms (laws) result in nothing new. Looking at history, we see whoever brought about a change thought differently and acted odd. They were all enemies of the institutions. Aristotle, Copernicus, Jesus, Revolutionaries, etc. are a few such names. They were all called lunatics by their contemporaries. But what time has proved is quite contrary. They were the wise. And those who threw them to the borders of society were the real lunatics. Estamira is a lunatic for you and me who conform to the social norms for the sake of existence and daily bread. Only time will prove the truth.

            The beginning sequence of Estamira in Black and White was a journey from the urban to the rural into the garbage can of the city. It was a journey that people like Estamira only can undertake. Her journey into the dump was a willing journey. She was going ‘home.’ You and I take the reverse route. We try to escape into the city, to hide under its wings of hypocrisy. She is different, because she is truthful to her heart. Camera brings this aspect out using interplay between B/W and colour sequences. This journey of Estamira ends at the seaside where freedom is in the air. Inhaling freedom and liberty Estamira continues to be an Oracle to the world- let those who have ears listen!

How much is too much?

While I was troubled with overloaded work, I thought I would relax once things settle down. But now I realize that now, I am not able to relax... May be I should watch one movie.. May be I should just sleep! Or I should listen to the programme on Solitude which Ananya produced?
Oh.. I don't think I will do anything to relax... I am relaxed already.. How much more? No.. It is not possible.. This is enough.. This will do.. This is not too much... Is it?

Its over...

Its over...
With the evening sun going down the hillside, its over...



With the sun, my hopes and dreams too slid down the slope...
The realization was a sting.. it pierced my heat like a gun shot and refused  to recede...












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Sustainable Development - Save the Earth Campaign

These are two brochures designed to educate school kids about sustainable development. It could be printed on both sides of an A4 sized paper. If anyone is interested in making use of this, you are welcome.

Click on image to view in full size

We need to do something to keep our Mother Earth alive for future generations. Let not greed blind us.