Silence can be quite powerful. We all know that. But how powerful? Here is how silence is used by the Igbo tribe of West Africa.
Importance of Speech among the Igbo people
Igbos are an eloquent people. They love to speak in the most beautiful manner to convey messages. Language is a very important social possession for them. Probably for the same reason, they use silence as a tool for communication. In general, Igbo people greet everyone. Greeting is given much importance. Speech therefore is central to the Igbo lifestyle.
Silence as grief
When someone dies, the grieving family is not supposed to be spoken to. The grieving family is supposed to be so heartbroken, that they are considered not able to stand any communication. Therefore, if you wish you convey your condolences, you go and stand before the person you want to console. In silence. When you think the person is consoled, you sit down in the house. When you think it enough consolation with your presence, stand in front of the grieving person again in silence for an amount of time you judge sufficient. Then you leave in silence.
Isn't it beautiful? In our cultures, we go to a grieving family knowing not what to say, but say something and all of us feel super awkward. The Igbo system of silence is excellent since the social norm is such that there is no necessity to speak. Silence says it all!
Silence as consent
When a boy wants to marry a girl, the boy needs to get the girl's consent. Before the marriage, Igbos have customary courtship- like Western dating. The would-be husband has to please the would-be wife with gifts and fulfillment of her wishes. But this comes only if the girl gives her consent for courtship. How do you get this permission? You ask for it. Asking for permission involves certain rituals. Either the boy or his middleman, in the presence of the family and relatives have to ask the permission of the girl for marriage.
The response of the girl is scripted by the Igbo culture. There are only two possibilities. Either the girl runs away or she stays there. If I were the suitor, and if she ran away, I would think she doesn't like me. But the truth is, that according to Igbo culture, the girl runs away because their culture insists that she doesn't know how to respond appropriately with her 'yes', so she runs to her room to rejoice in seclusion. So, running away is giving consent. If the girl stays, it means that the suitor has to leave. The ashamed suitor leaves when it becomes clear to him that the girl won't 'run away'!
Silence during social gatherings is considered as consent. For example, if some decision is made in a gathering, your silence is counted as consent, and you would be expected to take responsibility of the decision made at the meeting.
I find this beautiful and empowering at the same time. For one thing, the Igbos have a hierarchy of genders. Men are more powerful than women in the family and society. But when it comes to marriage, the girl has the power to refuse. That is beautiful. No forced marriage.
Silence as enmity
If you have an enemy, you certainly won't speak with him/her. But Igbos don't stop it there. They not only stop talking to the enemy, but also express their enmity in body language by culturally sanctioned ways. For example, if your enemy walks up to you on a road, you stop and turn around, cover your mouth with your hands. You enemy also does the same. It is a signal to your friends that this person is not trustworthy, and is an enemy.
In my culture, if an enemy comes to me, either one of us or both of us will be hospitalized if it results in least harm. The Igbo way is peaceful, yet powerful. And there is no violence involved. Simply smart!
Silence as social sanction
If someone in the village community acts against the common good or common laws, they are ostracized. Igbos do this by banning all communication with the ostracized person/persons. No speaking, no greeting, no trade, no exchange of goods. It is like the modern day sanctions imposed by the rich countries on poor/less powerful ones. The silence, and accompanying isolation results in change of behaviour in the ostracized. It cannot but result in it, because the villages are designed in such a way that without the other, you cannot survive!
This corrective mechanism of silence is what I like the most. No obedience? No talking! Don't know how practical will this tactic be in our civilization!
Silence as ritual
During ceremonies, participating Igbo people are bound to observe silence. Others are expected to maintain silence around these people. Ogbanigbe festival, Lchu iyu nwu ritual, and cleansing ritual related to Ogbanje children are some ceremonies where silence is observed.
Silence as respect
Silence is observed by the one one on the lower rung in hierarchy, as an expression of respect between hierarchically related people. For example, parent/child, elder/younger, husband/wife, male/female.
Silence as protection
If someone has a communicable disease, they are supposed to be isolated. No one is expected to speak to them. This observance must have come from fear of dreadful diseases like smallpox that have taken many Igbo lives.
Silence interpreted as deferred action
If you make someone angry, you expect them to get angry. Igbos believe that such instant response finishes the emotion then and there. But if someone serves you the silent treatment, Igbos know that something is in the offing. The culture then expects that if someone reacts with silence, they would react later with some terrible action.
Reference
Nwoye (1985), Gregory O. Eloquent Silence Among the Igbo of Nigeria. In Tannen, D. & Saville-Troike, M (ed.) Perspectives on Silence. Ablex Publishing Corporation, New Jersey.
Importance of Speech among the Igbo people
Silence as grief
When someone dies, the grieving family is not supposed to be spoken to. The grieving family is supposed to be so heartbroken, that they are considered not able to stand any communication. Therefore, if you wish you convey your condolences, you go and stand before the person you want to console. In silence. When you think the person is consoled, you sit down in the house. When you think it enough consolation with your presence, stand in front of the grieving person again in silence for an amount of time you judge sufficient. Then you leave in silence.
Isn't it beautiful? In our cultures, we go to a grieving family knowing not what to say, but say something and all of us feel super awkward. The Igbo system of silence is excellent since the social norm is such that there is no necessity to speak. Silence says it all!
Silence as consent
When a boy wants to marry a girl, the boy needs to get the girl's consent. Before the marriage, Igbos have customary courtship- like Western dating. The would-be husband has to please the would-be wife with gifts and fulfillment of her wishes. But this comes only if the girl gives her consent for courtship. How do you get this permission? You ask for it. Asking for permission involves certain rituals. Either the boy or his middleman, in the presence of the family and relatives have to ask the permission of the girl for marriage.
The response of the girl is scripted by the Igbo culture. There are only two possibilities. Either the girl runs away or she stays there. If I were the suitor, and if she ran away, I would think she doesn't like me. But the truth is, that according to Igbo culture, the girl runs away because their culture insists that she doesn't know how to respond appropriately with her 'yes', so she runs to her room to rejoice in seclusion. So, running away is giving consent. If the girl stays, it means that the suitor has to leave. The ashamed suitor leaves when it becomes clear to him that the girl won't 'run away'!
Silence during social gatherings is considered as consent. For example, if some decision is made in a gathering, your silence is counted as consent, and you would be expected to take responsibility of the decision made at the meeting.
I find this beautiful and empowering at the same time. For one thing, the Igbos have a hierarchy of genders. Men are more powerful than women in the family and society. But when it comes to marriage, the girl has the power to refuse. That is beautiful. No forced marriage.
Silence as enmity
If you have an enemy, you certainly won't speak with him/her. But Igbos don't stop it there. They not only stop talking to the enemy, but also express their enmity in body language by culturally sanctioned ways. For example, if your enemy walks up to you on a road, you stop and turn around, cover your mouth with your hands. You enemy also does the same. It is a signal to your friends that this person is not trustworthy, and is an enemy.
In my culture, if an enemy comes to me, either one of us or both of us will be hospitalized if it results in least harm. The Igbo way is peaceful, yet powerful. And there is no violence involved. Simply smart!
Silence as social sanction
If someone in the village community acts against the common good or common laws, they are ostracized. Igbos do this by banning all communication with the ostracized person/persons. No speaking, no greeting, no trade, no exchange of goods. It is like the modern day sanctions imposed by the rich countries on poor/less powerful ones. The silence, and accompanying isolation results in change of behaviour in the ostracized. It cannot but result in it, because the villages are designed in such a way that without the other, you cannot survive!
This corrective mechanism of silence is what I like the most. No obedience? No talking! Don't know how practical will this tactic be in our civilization!
Silence as ritual
During ceremonies, participating Igbo people are bound to observe silence. Others are expected to maintain silence around these people. Ogbanigbe festival, Lchu iyu nwu ritual, and cleansing ritual related to Ogbanje children are some ceremonies where silence is observed.
Silence as respect
Silence is observed by the one one on the lower rung in hierarchy, as an expression of respect between hierarchically related people. For example, parent/child, elder/younger, husband/wife, male/female.
Silence as protection
If someone has a communicable disease, they are supposed to be isolated. No one is expected to speak to them. This observance must have come from fear of dreadful diseases like smallpox that have taken many Igbo lives.
Silence interpreted as deferred action
If you make someone angry, you expect them to get angry. Igbos believe that such instant response finishes the emotion then and there. But if someone serves you the silent treatment, Igbos know that something is in the offing. The culture then expects that if someone reacts with silence, they would react later with some terrible action.
Reference
Nwoye (1985), Gregory O. Eloquent Silence Among the Igbo of Nigeria. In Tannen, D. & Saville-Troike, M (ed.) Perspectives on Silence. Ablex Publishing Corporation, New Jersey.
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