Family: A spring of peace

The end of my teenage wasn’t the easiest. It should have been good, because I scored well in my school, was a ‘good boy’ in general, and knew how to do many things like plumbing, electrical work and cooking. But, the end of my teenage wasn’t the easiest.

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When I was in high school, the family was caught in a terrible financial crunch. It did not happen all on a sudden. The incidents that led to the crunch began many, many years ago. In 1989, my grandfather passed away after a prolonged period of illness and hospitalization. My mother single handedly managed grandfather’s illness, grandmother’s routine, home, her husband’s and four children’s office and studies, and the rubber and coconut plantation. When grandfather was at home, she had to give him her full attention, and take care of grandmother who had Alzheimer’s disease. When grandfather was in the hospital, she had to run between the hospital and home, which were 23 kilometers apart. Only few buses plied that route, and she had to take two buses to reach the hospital or back. To this day, I don’t know how she managed. She must be given Nobel peace prize for keeping the family together.

After my grandfather’s death, grandmother’s disease intensified. She needed full attention till she passed away in 1991. Like grandfather, she was also hospitalized for a long time. By the time she passed away, my mother was worn out by taking care of everyone. We all supported and helped, but she was the one who bore the most. Even though he had 8 siblings, my father single handedly managed the expenses of treatment and hospitalization of both my grandparents. He educated all his four children, bought them books, magazines and other periodicals without letting us worry about finances. We lived an austere life, but his meager salary couldn’t bear all the expenses. By 1995, we were a half-broke family. We had loaned money from different sources to manage our expenses. And around that time, my eldest sister’s marriage took place. That had a heavy impact on our finances.

We stopped buying most vegetables and anything that looked like a luxury. We managed with tapioca, jack-fruits, mangoes, and leaves from our property. During these times, we cooked papaya in different forms- gravy and dry- not to feel that we were starving. My mother fed us and went hungry on many days, even after we insisted she shouldn’t do it. For years, we did not buy new clothes unless there were no spare. We tried hard to hold on to happiness in our lives.

By 1998, we completely ran out of resources. Debtors began to threaten us. There were police cases related to a bank transaction my father performed. People told us that he was cheated by one of our relatives. But till his death, he did not speak ill of anyone to us or to anybody else. He had to voluntarily retire from his job. All our income came to a sudden end. Though we had rich relatives, we had no one to turn to. Everyone thought that this situation came upon us because we lived an extravagant life. Some relatives explicitly told us that they ‘could’ help us to get out of debt, but they wouldn’t, since our problems are our problems alone! That hurt us more than the financial neck-break. So we decided to sell our house and property. Buyers knew our plight, and offered much less than the market value. Therefore, we sold everything. We bought and moved to a tiny, half-built house.

Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash

It was bad on all of us. My mother who managed 2 acres of land and a big house had to limit herself to a small house and a 10 scents plot. Our financial problems were not completely over. My father was arrested because a debtor presented a signed cheque much before we could deposit cash in the bank. Some friends and neighbours helped us get bail and settle the case out of court. That was when we realized that friends, neighbours and even strangers were more helpful than blood relatives.

My father began working for a self-help group to support the family. Two of us brothers were in college, and my younger sister was in school. With limited resources, we lived happily, sharing whatever we had. As a family, we realized that peace and joy are much more valuable than material possessions. We lost everything because we gave it to and for others who did not bother to reciprocate. It looks foolish to be such permanent-givers. People called you losers. But the same people who called you losers would come back to you after they realized your value as a human being.

Those who had deserted us are now friends again. Some did it because they felt bad for themselves. But I would like to call that ‘remorse’. After my father’s death, some began fondly remembering him for the good things he did for them in secret. No one knew about his deeds but the benefactor and beneficiary. He did not hold grudge against anyone when he had to stand alone. So as his family, we do not hold grudge against anyone either. We are who we are, and they are who they are. It is not in our hands to amend anyone’s ways, except ours. So, life goes on. Peacefully.