Wars

Once upon a time, there was a couple. They lived a peaceful life in a little apartment in a big city. They had a girl. 3 year old. They didn’t have anyone else. 

They were not used to having people and things in their life. So their house was practically empty. They only had those things that made them happy. So was their hearts. They did not have many people in it. And so they lived their happy lives. 

Then one day, the happiness vanished. 

The 3 year old began to disobey them. She wanted things the parents did not want. She invited people they did not want in their lives. They felt that the girl suddenly became a stranger. They developed a distance in their hearts. The girl went further away day after day, while the couple stayed close. 

The girl one day felt that she did not have anything in common with them. She decided to move out and away. And she did that. 

The first day, the parents did not feel anything. In fact, they thought they felt happy when they reclaimed the calm and inner peace. They no more had the extra things, extra demands and extra people. 

Days passed. The couple spoke less to each other. In their individual hearts, they began to feel a void they could not fill with each other’s presence. Somehow, they felt responsible for this situation. However, in the rush to justify themselves to claim their peace, they tried to make themselves believe that it is the other who is responsible. 

Months passed. One day, the girl came to visit them. Not out of love, but to get some of her remaining things. The moment they saw the girl at the door, the couple felt a rush of strange chemicals in their veins. They froze. Their hearts bled. Their inner eyes shed tears like a fountain. But their physical bodies remained frozen till she left. 

Inside, each knew what was going on. Each withdrew into their shells. 

Years passed. The girl attended the funeral of both the parents the same month. When she was at home one last time to clear and lock it, she realised that her parents were still there inside her. They were still fighting a war over her. They were still not talking to each other. They were still feeling guilty. They were still justifying themselves. They were still blaming each other. 

The only difference was that now, both were her. The last day of the month, her obituary appeared in the same newspapers, in the same obscure corner. The war was over. Probably. ¯

Family: A spring of peace

The end of my teenage wasn’t the easiest. It should have been good, because I scored well in my school, was a ‘good boy’ in general, and knew how to do many things like plumbing, electrical work and cooking. But, the end of my teenage wasn’t the easiest.

Image from here

When I was in high school, the family was caught in a terrible financial crunch. It did not happen all on a sudden. The incidents that led to the crunch began many, many years ago. In 1989, my grandfather passed away after a prolonged period of illness and hospitalization. My mother single handedly managed grandfather’s illness, grandmother’s routine, home, her husband’s and four children’s office and studies, and the rubber and coconut plantation. When grandfather was at home, she had to give him her full attention, and take care of grandmother who had Alzheimer’s disease. When grandfather was in the hospital, she had to run between the hospital and home, which were 23 kilometers apart. Only few buses plied that route, and she had to take two buses to reach the hospital or back. To this day, I don’t know how she managed. She must be given Nobel peace prize for keeping the family together.

After my grandfather’s death, grandmother’s disease intensified. She needed full attention till she passed away in 1991. Like grandfather, she was also hospitalized for a long time. By the time she passed away, my mother was worn out by taking care of everyone. We all supported and helped, but she was the one who bore the most. Even though he had 8 siblings, my father single handedly managed the expenses of treatment and hospitalization of both my grandparents. He educated all his four children, bought them books, magazines and other periodicals without letting us worry about finances. We lived an austere life, but his meager salary couldn’t bear all the expenses. By 1995, we were a half-broke family. We had loaned money from different sources to manage our expenses. And around that time, my eldest sister’s marriage took place. That had a heavy impact on our finances.

We stopped buying most vegetables and anything that looked like a luxury. We managed with tapioca, jack-fruits, mangoes, and leaves from our property. During these times, we cooked papaya in different forms- gravy and dry- not to feel that we were starving. My mother fed us and went hungry on many days, even after we insisted she shouldn’t do it. For years, we did not buy new clothes unless there were no spare. We tried hard to hold on to happiness in our lives.

By 1998, we completely ran out of resources. Debtors began to threaten us. There were police cases related to a bank transaction my father performed. People told us that he was cheated by one of our relatives. But till his death, he did not speak ill of anyone to us or to anybody else. He had to voluntarily retire from his job. All our income came to a sudden end. Though we had rich relatives, we had no one to turn to. Everyone thought that this situation came upon us because we lived an extravagant life. Some relatives explicitly told us that they ‘could’ help us to get out of debt, but they wouldn’t, since our problems are our problems alone! That hurt us more than the financial neck-break. So we decided to sell our house and property. Buyers knew our plight, and offered much less than the market value. Therefore, we sold everything. We bought and moved to a tiny, half-built house.

Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash

It was bad on all of us. My mother who managed 2 acres of land and a big house had to limit herself to a small house and a 10 scents plot. Our financial problems were not completely over. My father was arrested because a debtor presented a signed cheque much before we could deposit cash in the bank. Some friends and neighbours helped us get bail and settle the case out of court. That was when we realized that friends, neighbours and even strangers were more helpful than blood relatives.

My father began working for a self-help group to support the family. Two of us brothers were in college, and my younger sister was in school. With limited resources, we lived happily, sharing whatever we had. As a family, we realized that peace and joy are much more valuable than material possessions. We lost everything because we gave it to and for others who did not bother to reciprocate. It looks foolish to be such permanent-givers. People called you losers. But the same people who called you losers would come back to you after they realized your value as a human being.

Those who had deserted us are now friends again. Some did it because they felt bad for themselves. But I would like to call that ‘remorse’. After my father’s death, some began fondly remembering him for the good things he did for them in secret. No one knew about his deeds but the benefactor and beneficiary. He did not hold grudge against anyone when he had to stand alone. So as his family, we do not hold grudge against anyone either. We are who we are, and they are who they are. It is not in our hands to amend anyone’s ways, except ours. So, life goes on. Peacefully.