At times, I wonder about the direction of my life in general.
Life is a series of moments. In childhood I aspired to be someone, in youth I became someone, and in old age I die. In this scheme, my role is limited to merely being present. Can I do more? Could I have done more? Will I have done more? These are meaningless questions as long as I have nothing to do with life, except being present at the moment.
When I think of this as a philosophical truth, I realise that most of my life was spent in meaningless pursuits. In my childhood, I spent my time in becoming someone. In my youth, I continued and became someone. This someone was not exactly the someone I had planned to become. Therefore, there was frustration and disappointment in being that different someone. Throughout midlife, I continued to adapt to my ideal self by feeling guilty, pretending to be another and spending time and money on that becoming. Meaningless pursuits.
On the road I saw an old lady this morning. She was combing her hair under a metro station. He had all her belongings in a small sack-bag. She didn't look very clean. Her face didn't look the happiest. But she was determined to do that one thing she was doing - combing her hair. I walked past her in a hurry to reach home. At home, as I write this, I reflect back a
nd wonder if she was happy! I saw another lady who had two cats on leashes. She was tying them to the sidewalk rails. Was she happy?
Then again, I look back inside myself ans ask, am I happy? Yes. I am happy. Why am I happy? Is it because I possess things? Honestly, I possess fewer things than most people. I have clothes that will fit in a suit case, books in another, 3 digital devices, 4 musical instruments, a watch, an umbrella, 4 pairs of footwear, some furniture, a few household electronics items, a two&four wheeler and miscellaneous items like stationery and cutlery. Oh that is a bit too many for a happy person. However, if fewer things make me happier, I should strive not to accumulate more, or shed a few in the coming days, shouldn't I?
Coming back to the direction of life in general: Is it forward looking, backward looking or not looking anywhere? I feel that it shouldn't be directional. Life should be about a state of being, not about moving forward and backward. If being in the moment gives me pleasure, that is the most you could achieve. Could you have achieved more? May be. But the pleasure of being in the moment is not about degrees, but about the state of being. If you are happy now, you could be happy for ever. Because, forever is just a series of nows.
