Puzhamamsam!

Home again!

.

Saw a man.
He looked at me.
Unlike me, he looked with compassion.
I said, "I'm home again."

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I need just a moment!

I am that man...

It's painful
to wake up into light..

The dark was safe,
had no pains of sight..

I see now, like day
Like light, truth..

And my heart roars in pain,
That I am that man..

In the lap again...

In the lap of my mother again.
No woes, now worries, just blank!
In the lap of my dream again.
No regrets, No time, one moment at a time.

But my arms are cut,
Tongue tied and feet numb.
Never again, said mom,
Just to make sure...

But I am myself there,
Just as I am on a rainy night.
Waiting for another time,
When the warmth is all mine.

Life is good when dreams are plump,
At least it looks good.
Let me not be alone in silence,
Lest I'll drown in despair again.

So, my mom, be there,
Like a rock, like a fortress.
Tie me strong and fast to thee,
For I'm safe tied, than free!

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One by my friend

this one is by my friend..

wish i could write so too...

A heart that bleeds...

one day, one sitting, one posture, one breath...

these were born...

feel exhausted...

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A Head that Aches

I have a head that aches...
A head that fills every moment with pulsating pain and suffocation.
As moments go by, I get more and more indrawn and silent.
For its not easy to die when one is fully alive.

I have a dream that dies.
A dream that fills every moment with memories of happy yesterdays.
As moments go by, I get more and more lonely and sad.
For its not easy to forget when one is fully alive.

I have a life that grows.
A life that fills every moment with hopes and new smiles.
As moments go by, I get nearer to the end point.
For its not easy to sustain a life where dreams are dying and head is aching.

Once again, I have a head that aches...

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A place to live in...

What else would you expect to have
While it turns dark and the evil powers come out,
Setting covers and masks away?

I have a body to protect
And a soul to sell,
Shouts the desperate me to the night.

What can else I think of now when its dark
And vision is skin deep, Oh I am afraid
To look at those fox eyes of devils.

Why am I like this, why did you craft me this way?
This sad song's accompaniment- a drop of tears,
Hidden in the dark, but shining in my soul.

Where can I go, but to the heart of the night,
Where hides the jackals of death,
Painful and slow death of bruises and scars.

I am not afraid of death, let me state.
But I am afraid of flesh mongers,
Who bring more than death into my soul.

Where can I hide, Oh night so dark and plain?
Where do I run when everywhere is equally hell?
Where do I sleep when gnashes fill the air and freezes my blood?

Its safest with you to be, you who are cold.
I choose you than those with teeth like that of lions.
You are gentle though still and cold.

And when I am terrified, I think of night,
And hold my dagger tight, with a trembling hand.
I'm only less afraid to plunge it into my heart...

Kozhiyunna Mudiyizhakal

കൊഴിയുന്ന മുടിയിഴകള്‍ 

അടരുന്ന ചുമരിലെ പാണ്ടുകള്‍ നോക്കി നോക്കി സമയം പോയതറിഞ്ഞില്ല.

ദൂരെ നിന്നും കറുത്ത മഴ മേഘങ്ങള്‍ ഓടി വരുന്നുണ്ട്.

അങ്ങകലെ കിഴക്കേ മലനിരകള്‍ക്കപ്പുറത്തുനിന്നും ശബ്ദം കേള്‍ക്കാം.

ആകാശം ഇരുണ്ടു, അരങ്ങ് ഒരുങ്ങി, ഇനി കഥാപാത്രങ്ങള്‍.

1 - ചുമര്. തേപ്പ് അടര്‍ന്നു തുടങ്ങിയിട്ട് കാലങ്ങള്‍ ആയി. 

ചായം പൂശാത്തതുകൊണ്ട് നിറം മങ്ങിയിട്ടില്ല. 

അങ്ങിങ്ങായി പാണ്ടുകള്‍ കാണാം- തേപ്പടര്‍ന്ന ഓട്ടകള്‍.

ഒരുപക്ഷേ നിശ്വാസങ്ങള്‍ ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങിയ പാടുകളും!

2 - സമയം. കാലം എന്ന് മറ്റൊരു പേര്. അജ്ഞാതന്‍.

രൂപംഇല്ലാത്തതിനാല്‍ ആരും കണ്ടിട്ടില്ല. എങ്കിലും

അവന്‍റെ പ്രഹരം ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങാത്ത ആരും ഇല്ല.

ഒരു സംശയം. കാലം വരികയാണോ, അതോ പോകയാണോ?

3 - മേഘങ്ങള്‍. അവയ്ക്ക് നിറം മാറാന്‍ അറിയാം.

ചിലപ്പോള്‍ സ്വഭാവവും- ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടിട്ടുണ്ട്. 

വെളുത്തു വെളുത്തു വന്നിട്ട് കറുത്ത് കറുത്ത് പെയ്യും. 

ശ്വാസം മുട്ടിക്കും. ചെകുത്താന്റെ സ്വഭാവം. 

4 - ഇരുട്ട്. നിശബ്ദം നിഷ്കരുണം നിരാധാരം.

നിറങ്ങളില്ല, മണങ്ങളില്ല, രുചിഭേദങ്ങളില്ല.

ഭാവം ശാന്തം, സ്വഭാവമജ്ഞാതം.

ഒരു ചോദ്യം. രണ്ടില്‍ ഒന്നാണ് സത്യമെങ്ങ്കില്‍ ഇരുട്ടോ വെളിച്ചമോ നുണ?

കഥാപാത്രങ്ങള്‍ തയ്യാര്‍. ഇനി വേണ്ടത് കഥ. പക്ഷേ...

എന്‍റെ പക്കല്‍ കഥകളില്ല, കഥാപാത്രങ്ങളേ ഉള്ളു...

അതുകൊണ്ടാണ് ഞാന്‍ അടരുന്ന ചുമരില്‍ നോക്കുന്നത്.

കൊഴിയുന്ന മുടിയിഴകള്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ...

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Human Beings

Its the beauty of life- Variety.
Heart sings out of joy seeing it.
All around, it surrounds every breath.
Every leaf, every vein- beauty, sayeth!

Heart sings again in pain,
Seeing those distorted and deviant.
Hurtin' so bad, heart bleeds,
Hurt it is, indeed a pain.

Still I see sense somewhere,
'cosI feel love in the air.
When I twist in pain and weep,
I feel human, I feel love!

Frustration! Anger! Add variety!
Being human, I live human.
Its okkkkkkkk... like my friend says.
Its the beauty of life- Variety!

The Voice Unheard

Today is a day of sorrow, since I heard the voice.
Its a long time now, but haven't forgotten its tint.
Soft like a flower, yet cold in its center and sharp on the edges.
It fell on my ears, like rain on a summer's day.

I wonder, why I'm alive! when life is just a dream.
Distance is like a tree: it grows, yet no one sees.
So the tree grew, gave shade for me to rest.
And now, I shed tears. Drops aren't there, but flows.

'Come back, you coward'- I often have to tell my mind.
For it backs off like a dog in an unseen clan.
When back, I'm at home, the real me, the monster.
For it knows someone's sad, knowing well that I'm mad.

Destiny! I never believed in it, even when my pulses proved it.
To be was my destiny? May be! because I never wanted to be!
Shadows grew too long till the black ate the white.
Till the doors of my life were unsafe in the night.

Ah! Yes, the voice. It still is loud like the evening Sun.
As always, it pricks the softest of all flesh- the heart.
When the pain recedes, I realize that voice wasn't real.
Then begins THE pain, for what's lost causes greater pain!