Wars

Once upon a time, there was a couple. They lived a peaceful life in a little apartment in a big city. They had a girl. 3 year old. They didn’t have anyone else. 

They were not used to having people and things in their life. So their house was practically empty. They only had those things that made them happy. So was their hearts. They did not have many people in it. And so they lived their happy lives. 

Then one day, the happiness vanished. 

The 3 year old began to disobey them. She wanted things the parents did not want. She invited people they did not want in their lives. They felt that the girl suddenly became a stranger. They developed a distance in their hearts. The girl went further away day after day, while the couple stayed close. 

The girl one day felt that she did not have anything in common with them. She decided to move out and away. And she did that. 

The first day, the parents did not feel anything. In fact, they thought they felt happy when they reclaimed the calm and inner peace. They no more had the extra things, extra demands and extra people. 

Days passed. The couple spoke less to each other. In their individual hearts, they began to feel a void they could not fill with each other’s presence. Somehow, they felt responsible for this situation. However, in the rush to justify themselves to claim their peace, they tried to make themselves believe that it is the other who is responsible. 

Months passed. One day, the girl came to visit them. Not out of love, but to get some of her remaining things. The moment they saw the girl at the door, the couple felt a rush of strange chemicals in their veins. They froze. Their hearts bled. Their inner eyes shed tears like a fountain. But their physical bodies remained frozen till she left. 

Inside, each knew what was going on. Each withdrew into their shells. 

Years passed. The girl attended the funeral of both the parents the same month. When she was at home one last time to clear and lock it, she realised that her parents were still there inside her. They were still fighting a war over her. They were still not talking to each other. They were still feeling guilty. They were still justifying themselves. They were still blaming each other. 

The only difference was that now, both were her. The last day of the month, her obituary appeared in the same newspapers, in the same obscure corner. The war was over. Probably. ¯

The Holy Book’s Tears

She prayed kneeling in front of the holy book. There were tears in her eyes. The god who listened to her from inside the book felt completely helpless.

This was the girl’s prayer: “God, why was I not born as that aunt’s and uncle’s daughter! I want to study and earn a degree. I want to earn a job in the city and live freely. My parents will marry me off next year. I won’t be able to complete my studies. I will end up washing dishes and mopping floors just like my mother. God, please, please let me study. I want to get a better job. I want to do better and get a job.”

 

The girl is only 12 years old! Her mother comes to sweep and mop our house. The mother is only 36, and is already a grandmother. 

When she opened her moist eyes, she wondered how the holy book’s pages looked like a sobbing face - wet, mangled and unsettled!

Lose Yourself Not

It is very easy to lose oneself. If your spouse tells you everyday that you are not good enough, you will lose yourself. You will lose interest in day to day activities. You will lose interest in your hobbies. You will pay less attention to yourself. You will eventually lose interest in your purpose. You will end up in depression and despair. 

But, what if you are aware that you are different from others’ perception of you are different? Sometimes, joy comes to you when you decided to stay yourself. Sometimes, life becomes joyful when you take a moment to appreciate yourself. Sometimes a pat on your own back is necessary because no one else will have the time and energy to do tat for you. You are your own caretaker. 

Therefore, do not lose yourself. That is all you have. 

It’s not ok to be not ok!

Most people often think that it is ok to be not ok. Because, it is not unusual to be not ok. In my experience, life is a series of healing processes because getting hurt is the order of the day. Anyone with the least sense of self worth will then look inwards to help one’s own self. 

How can I help me? Heard no one saying ever! Everyone says, “How can I help you?” We are all trained to say ‘how can I help you?’ Because we are all taught to take care of the other. Not because they need help, but because you may perceive that they might require some help. See the generosity of our altruism! However, when it comes to your own self, my culture tells me to shut up and go on. Because, to be worried about your own self, to worry about your mental health and well being is less than being human. Who does that! If you are a decent human being, take care of others. Others will take care of you. Well, life has taught me otherwise. If I don’t take care of myself, no one else will. 

When do you realise that you need help? When you think you need help, you might already have gone beyond rescue. That is not your problem. That is the problem of your society. You have been taught all along to hush your own need to feel well and go after what others think is good for you. Therefore, by the time you get a chance to look inside and realise that you need help, you might be beyond redemption. So the message is, every now and then, if possible after you read this sentence, look in the mirror and ask yourself, ‘do you need help?’ And if the answer is ‘no’ definitely run to someone who can help you. 

Who can help you? What kind of help will help me get better, feel better? This is a question that stops most of us when we feel we need help. Quite understandable. First of all, getting help is looked down upon. Second, finding help raises many an eyebrow. Third, how can you live your decent life after getting help for your mental illness? Therefore, if you really think you need help, decide that you are going to give two big hoots about what others think. Second, walk up to whoever it is you think can help and ask for help. Third, walk out and look straight in the eyes of the society and give those two hoots! 

Feelings apart, you could start by talking to a counsellor. A counsellor is someone who listens to you and guides you as to how to respond to life’s many turns and twists. If a counsellor judges that you are beyond their purview, they will guide you to the next level of help. We all need to understand that what we call sanity is a fine balance of thousands of chemicals that our brain produces every second. When one of those chemicals is produced in the minusculest amount, we become unwell. Some of that balance can be controlled by controlling the mind and creating a conducive environment. Some of it should be controlled using other chemicals that can control the glands that create these chemicals. Therefore, we might require help from a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. 

If you regularly take your car to service Center without feeling ashamed of your car being called weak, immature, nuts and crazy, why would you hesitate to walk into any place that offers you help, solace and ultimately a peaceful existence? Get help while it is not too late. 

Being is Happiness

At times, I wonder about the direction of my life in general. 

Life is a series of moments. In childhood I aspired to be someone, in youth I became someone, and in old age I die. In this scheme, my role is limited to merely being present. Can I do more? Could I have done more? Will I have done more? These are meaningless questions as long as I have nothing to do with life, except being present at the moment. 

When I think of this as a philosophical truth, I realise that most of my life was spent in meaningless pursuits. In my childhood, I spent my time in becoming someone. In my youth, I continued and became someone. This someone was not exactly the someone I had planned to become. Therefore, there was frustration and disappointment in being that different someone. Throughout midlife, I continued to adapt to my ideal self by feeling guilty, pretending to be another and spending time and money on that becoming. Meaningless pursuits. 

On the road I saw an old lady this morning. She was combing her hair under a metro station. He had all her belongings in a small sack-bag. She didn't look very clean. Her face didn't look the happiest. But she was determined to do that one thing she was doing - combing her hair. I walked past her in a hurry to reach home. At home, as I write this, I reflect back a
nd wonder if she was happy! I saw another lady who had two cats on leashes. She was tying them to the sidewalk rails. Was she happy? 

Then again, I look back inside myself ans ask, am I happy? Yes. I am happy. Why am I happy? Is it because I possess things? Honestly, I possess fewer things than most people. I have clothes that will fit in a suit case, books in another, 3 digital devices,  4 musical instruments, a watch, an umbrella, 4 pairs of footwear, some furniture, a few household electronics items, a two&four wheeler and miscellaneous items like stationery and cutlery. Oh that is a bit too many for a happy person. However, if fewer things make me happier, I should strive not to accumulate more, or shed a few in the coming days, shouldn't I?

Coming back to the direction of life in general: Is it forward looking, backward looking or not looking anywhere? I feel that it shouldn't be directional. Life should be about a state of being, not about moving forward and backward. If being in the moment gives me pleasure, that is the most you could achieve. Could you have achieved more? May be. But the pleasure of being in the moment is not about degrees, but about the state of being. If you are happy now, you could be happy for ever. Because, forever is just a series of nows. 

What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

When I'm the reason for someone's smile, 

when someone's smile pours over my cloistered mind, 

when my mind suddenly realises how connected someone's smile is with my well-being, 

when a small act of kindness lifts someone's spirit, 

when someone leaves my room deciding to change their lives, 

when I touch lives, 

when lives change because of a thought we shared, 

when rain falls on my windshield, 

when a sparrow visits my clothesline, 

when I shift to let the breeze touch someone's sweaty forehead, 

when my story amazes a the year old, 

when an idea is retold to make an impact, 

when anonymously I enable someone to say yes or no, 

when I can walk away with a smile assured of a smile behind me, 

when we are together, 

when we create 'us,' 

when our thoughts resonate, 

when two simple colours blend, 

when the good side of bad is out, 

when I sip a surprise cup of fresh coffee in the morning,

when I realise how silly I am, 

it brings a tear of joy to my eye. 

കപീഷേ രക്ഷിക്കണേ...

എന്റെ മകളുടെ കഥകളിൽ ആർക്കെങ്കിലും വിഷമമോ പ്രതിസന്ധികളോ ഉണ്ടായാൽ അവൾ ഉടനെ  "കപീഷേ രക്ഷിക്കണേ..." എന്ന്  പറയും. ഉടനെ കപീഷിന്റെ വാൽ നീണ്ടുവരും. കഥയിലെ പ്രശ്നകാരകനെ വാലുകൊണ്ട് ചുരുട്ടിയെടുത്ത് വെള്ളത്തിലേറിയും. 'ബ്ലും' എന്ന ശബ്ദത്തോടെ വില്ലൻ വെള്ളത്തിൽ വീഴും. 

അടുത്ത നടപടിയാണ് നിങ്ങളുടെ കഥകളിലില്ലാത്തതും എന്റെ മകളുടെ കരുണാപരമായ ജീവിതവീക്ഷണത്തിന്റെ കാതലുമായ ഭാഗം. കപീഷിന്റെ വാൾ മാത്രമേ ഇതുവരെ കഥയിലുള്ളു. വില്ലൻ വെള്ളത്തിൽ വീണ് ശിക്ഷ അനുഭവിക്കുമ്പോൾ കപീഷ് വരും. കയ്യിൽ സോപ്പും തോർത്തുമായി! അവനത് വെള്ളത്തിൽ വീണുകിടക്കുന്ന വില്ലന് കൊടുക്കും. വില്ലൻ സോപ്പൊക്കെ തേച്ച്  കുളിക്കും. എന്നിട്ട് തോർത്തും. പിന്നെ ദേഹത്ത് ക്രീമൊക്കെ ഇട്ട് ഡയപ്പറും ഉടുപ്പും ധരിക്കും. അപ്പോൾ കപീഷ് കരയ്ക്ക് കാത്തുനിൽക്കുന്നുണ്ടാവും. അവൻ വില്ലനെ ഉപദേശിക്കുകയും വില്ലൻ സ്വഭാവപരിവർത്തനം പ്രാപിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യും. 

ഈ കഥയിലെ കഥാപാത്രങ്ങളേക്കാൾ കഥപറച്ചിലുകാരിയാണ് പ്രാധാന്യം അർഹിക്കുന്നത്. മൂന്നുവയസ്സ് തികയാത്ത എന്റെ മകൾക്ക് നല്ലതും ചീത്തയും തിരിച്ചറിയാനും പരിവർത്തനം വരുത്താനുള്ള സംഭാഷണത്തിന്റെ പ്രാധാന്യവും അതിൽ സഹായിക്കേണ്ടതിന്റെ ആവശ്യകതയുമൊക്കെ അനായാസം വഴങ്ങുന്നു. ഇന്നത്തെ ലോകത്ത് പ്രതികാരമാണ് ആദ്യ പ്രതികരണം. അങ്ങനെയുള്ള ലോകത്ത് എന്റെ മകളെപ്പോലെയുള്ള മനസ്സുകൾ സുന്ദരവും നീതിപൂർണവും സ്നേഹം നിറഞ്ഞതുമായ ഒരു ഭാവി ലോകം പണിയട്ടെ എന്ന്  ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു.