Take a deep breath...

Dear friend,

Take a deep breath,
Make up your mind,
Close your eyes,
Take off your fear
And jump,

Be assured of this.
That you will fall for sure.

You might break a heart or two. 
But you wont die of the fall,
Neither will you kill.

Because there is the fist of love,
Waiting to hit you hard with its soft velvety hands,
Only to make you feel more secure than ever.

So dear friend, 
Make up your mind, 
Close your eyes and jump.

And before that, remember to take a deep breath...

Why should the girl run?

What I saw 

I got out of the bus at Secunderabad station. As hunger was eating my energy, I walked fast. Traffic is heavy as usual. After trying 4 times, I crossed the road successfully.

On the other side, life was as usual busy and 'vender'ful. Just then, a rude looking guy crossed me. He had a plastic bag in hand. I observed him because of his careless manners.

There was a young girl of 20 coming towards me, after crossing the road. Our 'rude' guy was dashing at that girl, as if to hit her! She looked up and saw this man, and began running. The 'rude' guy went his way, but the girl continued to run towards the bus stop. I stopped and looked at this for a few moments.

What I thought

I am ashamed. In my country, girls have to run to be able to live with self respect. This morning's newspaper told me about a teenage girl being gang raped next to the police station and a church! I am ashamed, and left without words to feel sorry for myself and my world.

My dear friends, a society that can't respect women, will not progress. Civilization is where individuals have freedom to be themselves in mutual agreement and peace. While most of our people are not able to be themselves for fear of being 'looked at', 'attacked', 'molested', 'raped', 'teased' and 'disturbed', how can we claim to be the great civilization that we are proud of?

I am ashamed and left without words to feel sorry... because our girls are made to run...

After the storm...

പരീക്ഷയുടെ ചൂട് അടങ്ങി തല തണുത്തപ്പോള്‍...

നീണ്ട ദിവസങ്ങള്‍ക്കു ചിറക് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നെങ്കില്‍...
ഇപ്പോള്‍ എങ്ങും പോകാന്‍ കഴിയുന്നില്ല...
മനസിന്റെ വ്യാപ്തി കുറഞ്ഞതുപോലെ...
ദൂരങ്ങളില്‍ കണ്ട സ്വപ്‌നങ്ങള്‍ ഇപ്പൊ അകന്നകന്നു പോകുന്നു...
ചിലപ്പോ തിരക്കില്ലാത്ത ദിവസങ്ങളെ ശപിക്കാന്‍ തോന്നും...
എന്തെന്നില്ലാത്ത ദുഃഖം...
മരണ വേദന..
തിരക്കില്‍ മൂടി കിടന്നതെല്ലാം ഇപ്പൊ ചാരം തട്ടി പുറത്തു വരുന്നു!

ഇന്നലെ ക്ഷീണം കാരണം ഉറക്കം വന്നു...
ഇന്ന് ഞാന്‍ ക്ഷീണിച്ചു മടുത്തു!
ഇനി എന്തെങ്ങിലും ചെയ്തില്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഒരുപക്ഷേ ഞാന്‍...

ചില തീരങ്ങളില്‍ പോകേണ്ടിയിരിക്കുന്നു!
വിളി ശക്തമായിരിക്കുന്നു...

ഇന്ന് രാത്രി ഞാന്‍ സ്വപ്നം കാണട്ടെ,
നാളെ ഞാന്‍ തിരക്കിലാവും...
സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് അവധി...
ഒരു തിരമാല കഴിഞ്ഞതല്ലേ,
ഇനി അതിന്‍ തുടര്‍ച്ച വേണം...

Sometimes...

Life has strange ways... Indeed...

Sometimes I feel like being the most unworthiest being on this planet... For all the trust and confidence the world has on me... for the love I have been experiencing... Everywhere is home for me because of my dear people... And looking into my own eyes, as tears flow down, I feel like crying aloud in madness or dying out of unbearable pain, or running away...

Sometimes, in the sweetest of moments, I realize that the sweetest of my thoughts was just a day dream.. A shattered dream is born in tears again. Smile and laughters would pile up in the pyre again to be burned. Ashes and smoke... That is what life has in the end.

Sometimes, trust seems the rarest of virtues. Don't know how much of it is around. The smiles of my friends, the innocent smiles, they lead me home. I sleep in peace because I trust those around me. They are mine. Flesh and blood of my soul tells me that they are no different from me. I feel soft and comforted.

Sometimes, I feel cheated. Smiles of innocence turn wolf like grins, chuckles in deceit. I only can look and wait for monsters to devour me. Won't be able to move a finger to run away or protect myself. Death, despair, loss, bad name; may it be whatever, I accept when its from my beloved ones. I tend to ignore the evil grin that is behind the sweet smile.

Sometimes I feel I am to be blamed for such naivety. Life demands prudence along with naivety. And I fail to comply...

Sometimes, I feel like ending everything too... Asking why Lord, to the silence that kills souls, I retire into unconsciousness. Death would be no different.

Sometimes I thank god for these pains too..

Sometimes I blame god for these pains too..

'Nothing will happen to you,' says a voice from within. I trust.. I go on..

Between heaven and earth

What would you feel if you are hung between heaven and earth? Heaven- where you would like to go, Earth- where you would be like! A strange position indeed. Guess who is in that position? It's me, hanging in mid air, happy and sad at the same time.

I am blessed to have a heart full of friends. I am also blessed to have the hearts of those friends. Those beloved hearts are all burning with some trouble or other. At one point, they help me to realize that my little troubles are no troubles at all. But at the same time, they also make me sad. My friends are my friends. Their pains are my pains, like their joys. Therefore, I feel like being hung from the heavens and thrown up from the earth.

Sweet and sour at the same time. I wish good for all...

Silence. The temple of my heart is ready for the ceremony. Its a ceremony where each of my pains, those of my friends' is  thrown into the fire. And when they all are just smoke, filling the temple chamber, I will breath in relief... Life is just a ceremony! JUST a ceremony? Oh! No... Life is a celebration - of joy and sorrow, of smile and frown, of ecstasy and tears...

Still, I am there, in the mid air.

Its me. And I shall be there till the end of ages...

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A Challenge

The Sunday bug is at hand is almost slipping away. I went to listen to divine voice this morning and heard what I didn't expect. I was challenged. In fact, I shed tears on what I heard. Simple thoughts thrown in a careless manner hit my heart with such force as to drive me out of my comfortable place in life.

"When I am ready to listen to God, am I ready to do what I hear?"

I... Often, I have failed to be open towards what I heard. Whenever I pray, I pray for what I think is better for me. And whenever something other than what I expect is offered, I shirk! Choices I make, I made... Oh god, it is painful to go over them again and again and again... I am tired of shedding tears... I am not ready for this anymore. But still you bring me more of it, as if I am not yet steady... I am tired... What gives me hope is a hope that everything is right... I am shaken, to the roots again. I have already begun to doubt about the very base of my life. The clarity I had is melting away like an ice cube. Soon, I will be left with no place to hide and no peace to dwell in. Again...

In the past, were I shying away from truth? This truth torments me like a live wound on my heart. Even otherwise, I live the life of a living confusion. Now, everything is ready for another toppling. Being overthrown from peace, I will wander in an all-white no-where for the next few weeks. A haunting truth or a haunting lie? Why am I constantly being pulled in both directions? Why am I comfortable on both the sides? Is it myself that I hate? Questions that occur incessantly!

And the most painful of all thoughts: What if I had made a mistake? It makes me feel like I am dead already. The consequences of such a possibility makes my brain go dead... But when heart takes over, I feel tormented, like my friend on the wooden cross... What if I had made a mistake? I don't know how and when to pay back or get paid for all these...

Being directionless! It is really a maddening experience... As days go by, the picture may emerge clearer- may be... Or it may remain foggy and unclear... Or I may forget about it... Or may be everything will be alright...

Like Basheer said...

Pretty much like what the great writer Vaikam Muhammad Basheer said, every little creature has the right to live on this little earth. Today, at the university, I saw a puppy playing with a bigger dog at leissure. Both the dogs were playing with each other in ecstacy, pulling each other, climbing over the other, running around, ocassionally falling down, etc. It was a wonderful sight to see.. Even now, at the lab in the university, i can see two piggeons talking to each other, over the air conditioner outside the room. It is wonderful to see how wonderful life is. I also saw a brown coloured dog, gasping for breath, may be in the process of bidding farewell to this life..

On my way back from the university, I usually see a man lying down on the road side, sometimes clothed, sometimes not. He is hungry most of the times. Therefore, he streches his hands out, asking for a contribution. Whenever he is not hungry, he is seen sleeping on the road side, in all that dirt, peacefully, like a dove.. He is unclean, he is not properly clothed, he is not probably educated.. But he seems happy! Last year, at the bus stands, I used to see a man, of the similar nature, except that he usually was naked. He seemed clearly out of his mind. (Or probably, you and I are out of our minds!) He didn't possess even a pair of clothes! Still he seemed to be smiling like a child at everyone. I remember a quotation: "Give one of your smiles if you find someone without one."

Why am I writing all these? I am in search of meaning. Life seems pretty interesting for me. It also seems quite puzzling. Happiness doesn't seem to be an outcome or end anymore. Joy is not a state of mind. I have recently begun to think that happiness is something that we always aspire for. And when we get closer to it, we feel that we already have it. Then there is ecstacy. But before we realise that happiness is still far away, the state of ecstacy would be far away.. This makes me compare myself with that puppy, the pair of piggeons, the dying dog, the man on the roadside, the naked man... They seemed happy, without the credentials I have. I only boast of myself...

I don't know whether to turen desperate or to turn optimistic. There were many ocassions when I thought that joy was at hand. I still know that joy is just out there. Does it always remain a mirage? Is it something unreachable?

As I lie down on my bed every night, praying for what I love the most, what I miss the most, what I aspire the most, I feel happy. I feel the ecstacy. I feel that I too can love. May be that gives me power to go through the next day. I am yet to know what it means to BE! I am a child. Like Basheer said, every little creature has the right to stay on this earth. This little child too... with all its troubles and problems...

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